Here we are again, another Christmas update from us (i.e., the selective yearly highlights of what we want to remember and purposeful omissions of what we'd rather forget).
Highlights:
Healing. While moving to Indiana gave me an immediate reprieve from the constant reminder of losing our kids, I had what I can only describe as a "relapse" of acute grief. After several months of feeling immobilized, I found an
incredible therapist who - among other things - has used
brainspotting (a type of
EMDR) to help me move through it. I have found myself grateful to be crying again, knowing that these things have been hiding for a while under more pressing feelings and life events. Healing is such a strange and nuanced process.
Growing. As part of all this hard emotional work, I'm also still writing. I have written a series of funny picture books about the grieving process. They are books I wish I had for my own children after we lost our kids, since the LAST thing they wanted to do was read sad books. I have several other writing projects in the works that often get sidelined for other things that are easier in the short-term. I'm volunteering with a professor at HGSE, helping with the PTO, coaching Anna's running club, teaching the teens and tweens at church, and very effectively avoiding the dirt in the corners of my house. Well, unless I'm procrastinating writing- then everything is very clean :).
Learning. Kurt switched jobs this year and is now working as the CEO of
FoodSmart. The company helps insurance companies reduce costs by helping Medicaid and Medicare patients better manage complex health conditions through healthier eating. He is also serving as the bishop of our local congregation (a volunteer position). This fall, he got to spend a lot of time with his mom, who was struggling with
terminal cancer. Sadly, she passed away a few days ago and we will be headed to the
funeral after Christmas. She was an incredible woman and we already miss her so much. Through the last six months, there has not been a day where I do not marvel at Kurt's ability to navigate difficulty with grace and kindness.
Stretching. Max (18) is finishing his first semester at
BYU where he has taken advantage of the ample resources available to entrepreneurial students. He started a non-profit called
The Madi Project to help raise money for other kids going through hard things in life, and he also was awarded a $500 grant from the
Rollins Center at BYU to pursue entrepreneurial ventures. He is also working in the HVAC maintenance department at BYU and trying to stay on top of classes. He's doing all this in between mischief-making, dating, and attending wicked good BYU sporting events. We suspect he's burning himself out since he slept for 24 of the first 32 hours he was home in November. Next semester, he said he will pull back a little. He chose to take the family to Brazil for his senior trip. He absolutely loved it and is trying to figure out a way to get back there one day.
Extending. Becca (17) is still very involved in
Batesville Singers, the
show choir here in
Batesville. The group is very talented and a strong contender for a state title. She spends hours practicing singing and dance after school, but still finds time to doomscroll before big tests. As expected, junior year classload in intense, but she is raking in the "A"s, doomscrolling notwithstanding. In November, she played the wicked stepmother and a shopkeeper in two different versions of
Cinderella at the High School. She is also involved in a service organization at school (KSLA), student council, and is starting a small photography club in the community for kids who have had tough life experiences. She was inspired by a service trip (HXP) she took to Bolivia this summer where they built a school for children in a low-resource community.
Exploring. After William (13) finished tennis season this year, he performed as Jafar in the Middle School's production of
Aladdin. He also joined Batesville
Premiere Edition, the show choir for the middle school. He is loving being on student council and is looking forward to track in the Spring. For Christmas this year, he asked to sign up with a talent agent so he could start auditioning for commercials and films, but Santa is instead giving him the gift of innocence by not allowing him to get involved in that world at age 13. :)
Pursuing. Anna is still taking ballet at the
College Conservatory of Music at UC which is about an hour from our house. We spend a lot of time in the car talking, listening to audio books or music. She also takes violin lessons online with her beloved violin teacher
Deborah Palmer. Anna has also added running to her docket because of the influence of a dear friend who is an avid runner. She joined the Girls on the Run team at her school and ran her first
5K last month. She beat her best time by about 10 minutes, which she was thrilled about. She also spends a lot of time making up dances with friends and playing Roblox with cousins.
We have loved spending so much time with our Utah family over the last few months. We are still loving living next to my mom and sister here in Indiana, but are still very much missing our home in Boston. I'm not sure if that ambivalence will ever go away.
We hope that as you head into the holidays this year, you'll be able to feel peace and joy, despite what is going on around you. Happy Holidays!
Comments